Happy Mothers' Day

They celebrated Mothers today. Motherhood. Well I can never find out how it feels to be a mother. For me the feeling of becoming a father took some time to sink in, however for the mother I think it was from the day we got the news. When it comes to the baby, suddenly mothers have all the patience in the world. And our daughter makes sure that its well tested. :)
Frankly speaking, I did not give much thought today to the special occasion until I came across a sad post on Reddit about how disheartening this day is for the lady, and how she hates it as it reminds her of her lost babies. Instantaneously this took me to my mother.

It will be over six years since I last saw my mother. We don't talk. The mere thought of meeting her sends shivers down my spine. And I may have be the last person on this planet she would want to talk to. I wonder how often she thinks that I failed her.

I am trying to think the first good memory I have of her. She got a chocolate for me in Kindergarten. She didn't like when I shared it with my friend. She wanted me to have it all. She played a prominent role in sending me to the boarding school which is by far one of the best thing that happened to me.

It was her, who used to come to meet me in school as my father was mostly busy working. I guess my teachers knew her more than my father. Once she had come to meet me, she found that my socks were dirty. She happened to visit on a day when the washerman had not showed up for a few days due to some issue. She forced me to be without socks for a day while she washed them. She convinced me that by the time I realize that I am without socks the socks will be ready to be worn again. She washed them and put them on some shrubs in the HeadMistress's garden. It turned out to be a bad day. It was hard to convince her that it was not needed.

She was always made sure that we never faced any problem. I would say that she always, like most Indian mothers, went out of her way to keep us happy. I never thought that I could live without her. But this is the thing with life that not everything happens according to the plan. There are incidents, events which play their part in defining the course of the journey. While she did more for me than what one could possibly imagine, some expectations slowly began to form over time. Expectation of a good job, which luckily, I was able to meet. Another major expectation was that I marry as per her wishes. And there, I faltered.

While I have never regretted my decision, there always will be a void which will remind me that not everything can be perfect in this world. We get somethings and we lose some. While many things happen which are not within our control, this one was my decision and I will have to live with it for rest of my life. Its sad that I had to chose between my mother and the mother of my daughter.

Happy Mothers' Day

A tale of two rivers

The importance of rivers goes back to the origin of civilizations. In other words, we humans owe our existence to the rivers. All the major civilizations were geographically located on banks of rivers. The Mesopotamian civilization, which came up with the world's earliest cities, was built up on the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. Similarly, the Egyptian Civilization depended on the Nile and the Chinese on the Yellow and Yangtse rivers. The first civilization of India, also known as the Indus Valley Civilization, was banked on the Indus river and the Ganges. The Indo-Gangetic Plain is still amongst the world's most fertile lands. Encompassing part of Pakistan, Northern India and almost all of Bangladesh, it supports one of the most populous areas on Earth, being home to one billion or nearly one-seventh of the world's population. Ganges and its most important tributary, Yamuna, are of paramount importance to the agricultural economy of India. Also, they are the two most venerated rivers on the planet. Ironically,and sadly, they top the charts in terms of pollution too! Well, this comes as a surprise. How can a river, which is considered as a Goddess by millions, be polluted, and that too alarmingly? Something is definitely wrong.

Let us start with Yamuna. Originating from the Yamnotri Glacier in the Himalayas, it meets Ganges at Allahabad also known as Prayag. The river has a glorious past. An ornament of Delhi, the capital city of the Mughals under Shahjahan, it was worth a spectacle. The wonderful Tajmahal built on the banks of the river in Agra added to the beauty of the river. But now things are not the same. The first big blow comes at Delhi itself where the discharge of waste water through several drains between Wazirabad barrage and Okhla barrage renders the river severely polluted. The water which was once blue and pure, is now black with sewage and other industrial waste. Unfortunately, the river, which is considered to neutralize all sins, is itself becoming a 'sewage drain' and is almost on the verge of dying.

Ganges, on the other hand, originates from Gangotri Glacier, also in the Himalayas and meets the Sunderbans Delta in Bay of Bengal. It traverses a much greater path than Yamuna and enters Bangladesh in its final course where it is known as river Padma. It has its place as holiest of all rivers in Hinduism. As compared to Yamuna, Ganges is still in a better position in terms of pollution, though the situation is still far from good. Ganges enters the plains at Haridwar. The Kumbh Mela is held once every twelve years at Haridwar and Allahabad, and it witnesses one of the biggest gatherings of devotees all over the nation. The evening prayer, Aarti, at Har Ki Pauri in Haridwar is a breathtaking spectacle which cannot be put into words per se. Though, almost clean at Haridwar, it is also abused as huge amounts of sewage and industrial waste is dumped into it. The river gets more polluted with each passing city in its course. Raj Kapoor's 1985 film, Ram Teri Ganga Maili, is the perfect allegory for the life of the river. The film depicts an innocent girl named Ganga, a resident of Gangotri in Himalayas, who goes in search of her husband love, all the way to Calcutta and is, in turn, abused by people she meets in the way.

The main reason behind the increasing pollution is improper management of the industrial waste and sewage. Though some initiatives have been taken by the government of India in the form of Ganga Action Plan and Yamuna Action Plan, the situation is still worse. The tanneries at Kanpur are one of the major sources of pollution of Ganges. Its a pity that despite the Sewage Treatment Plants, the Sewage goes into the river untreated just because there is a cut in the power much needed to run the plants. The pollution has increased to levels so high, that even the flora and fauna sustained by the river water have started to collapse.

I think the message is loud and clear. We need to hit the panic button right now. People must be educated about the severe consequences that will result if we do not mend our ways at the earliest. Education Institutes in general, and Schools in particular should take the initiative. Otherwise, it is highly likely that our future generations will be reading about these rivers only in history books under the apt title, "a tale of two rivers".

"mixed feelings"

Whenever I visit Delhi, there is one thing that always make me feel very proud about my country. That is "The Delhi Metro". It symbolizes development. To tell you, the Metro is very well laid, a rare luxury for all those who want to reach their destinations in time and is devoid of any traffic jams. It has reached such crowded places, one can only dream of. Chandni Chowk is one of them.
On one such visits, I was waiting for a train to Chandni Chowk. As usual I was in that feel good mood. One will always feel good while travelling in the metro train. Its an involuntary feeling. At least for me. Just then a young man approached me from nowhere. "Is this train going to Chawri Bazaar?"-he asked. I, rather than giving a straight answer in a 'yes', replied with sarcasm - "Yes, Can't you see the board there?". He replied humbly - "Bhaiyya, I can't read". I was shocked. I certainly didn't expect this reply. I didn't know what to say. I gathered myself and said "sorry". That was all I could think of. I felt ashamed. I was brought back, from that "utopia" where everything seemed perfect, to reality. And the reality was bitter. For rest of the journey those words kept echoing in my mind and suddenly the metro train didn't seem luxurious anymore.

"The University Library"

My first visit to the library, apart from getting the 'Rental Text Books' issued, was not very pleasant. I was asked by a professor to get some books on 'Transducers'. As I was new to the place I knew almost nothing about the place. I did not know that there was a different section for Technology. Besides, I knew very little about Transducers. So the search began! It started by looking up of the meaning of Transducers in the Physics Dictionary. I wasted two three hours in that. With a severe headache, I returned empty handed. Pledges were taken never to visit the dreadful place again. Though in my four years of stay I never got anything technical issued, I accidentally discovered a new Section on English Fiction. It was going to become my only reason to visit the library. The section gave me many lovely books to read. In the process I learnt that unknown books can also be very interesting. Books which were not very famous, in fact which were unheard of.
For a long time I was searching for a novel titled "To Kill A Mockingbird". A friend of mine got it for me from the library. I started reading. To my dismay, I found that some of the last pages were missing. I was shattered. Later, I completed it from an ebook.
Some of the books which I read from the library are - "Delhi- a novel" by Khushwant Singh. It was a beautifully written piece and Khushwant Singh needs no introduction. He is among my all time favorites. Others include "Sons and Lovers" by D.H.Lawrence, "Keep the Aspidistra Flying" -Orwell, and many more.
I cherish those days when I had the luxury of reading good novels and books and there was a place I could look for them - The University Library.

"the tale of a loser"

Have you ever felt like a loser? A complete failure? Well, if your answer is no, then I really salute you for the indomitable spirit you have. OK, I am rephrasing myself. Have you ever lost something?

When you lose something, it does not always mean that you will feel bad. How intense that feeling is,generally varies. One thing that governs the bad feeling is "expectation". This is, according to me, a very major factor in deciding how you will respond to the outcome.

There are times when you expect something to happen. You really want that to happen. With bated breath you watch and you watch, just to see in the end that you have lost. You feel bad. Definitely, I feel bad. Even worse, you are just about to win and suddenly you lose. The world around you start shrinking, the sounds of life start fading. Alas, how helpless you are.

Now why am I writing this super depressing stuff? You must have guessed. I am the one who has just lost something which I did not intend to. I am helpless.

But the world does not end here. So, definitely, there is a sequel to the above movie.

I start thinking. I have not heard of anyone who has not lost on anything in life. What do those people do? Do they quit? Definitely not. They 'move on'. Ah! what a lovely word. It is magical. Suddenly, I do not want to be helpless any more. I don't want to look weak. I want to overcome this feeling which is wearing me out. I want to come out.Come out strong,like never before. Will that happen?

Well the answer is 'yes'. I will definitely overcome this state of mind. In fact it has started. I am getting better. The depressing state is changing to a new state. A state full of hope. Hope to do better next time. I start making promises to myself again. A new leash of life has taken over.I feel a sense of pride over this new found victory. Victory over the "loser" state of mind.

I start humming a song. Slowly, the hum takes the form of a motivated voice. I feel motivated. Motivated enough to start a new mission, a new mission in 'life'.

"a night to remember"

"
Last time when I visited Delhi, we(I along with my friends) stayed overnight in a "Paharganj Market" hotel. After having dinner we went to Cannaught Place for a rather unusual late night walk.

Well, I discovered that the Cannaught Place in the night is quite different from the one we see in the day. Most of the shops were closed. A few restaurants were still open. The atmosphere was cool and a gentle breeze made us feel good. We thought of going for a whole round of the place. The roads were almost empty. Still some vehicles reminded us of their being.

We chatted as we went across. Of some people whom we noticed was a girl. Well I think she was waiting for someone, a friend maybe. She was trying to run down an ascending escalator in order to keep her occupied. Both of my friends now decided to go for their "regular" phone calls.And I was left alone on the bench.Well, it was fine with me. Sometimes being alone helps in thinking about life, the people connected to you, those whom you love dearly and other wonderful moments of your life.
A few yards ahead a "Delhi Police" gypsy was parked. The guys were, besides keeping a vigil around, listening to the FM. Well it was their only help to kill time efficiently.

We returned after sometime. On our way back we thought of going inside a Coffee House. But the idea was dropped more quickly than it had occurred much owing to the limited money in our pockets and the fact that we had a whole day to manage with that amount. I wondered why these "high status" restaurants, unlike their small counterparts, did not have the rate-list hung outside. It was my petty thinking, but it would have helped us decide according to our pockets and avoiding
embarrassment.

A few auto-rickshaw drivers were having a quarrel with two women. We did not know the reason, maybe it was about fare,and I stopped my much interested friend from intervening it. Though we informed the constables standing at some distance,they didn't seem interested at all.

One thing was clear. Delhi of the night was still awake. And it was different altogether from the Delhi of the day!!
A sudden rush of cool breeze hit us, and we quickened our steps towards our home for the night.

'Nostalgic songs'

Songs have always fascinated me. Though, I started with Hindi songs mostly, now I like and understand some English ones also.

For me, songs are wonderful reminders. When one gives it a thought, a particular song reminds him of a particular moment, in the timeline, or even places, for some. It is when you first heard that song, in general, and where you heard it, in particular.

I have (and I bet even others also do) some beautiful memories attached with some lovely songs.
My one of the first acquaintances with music (songs) was in my school bus. I think, then I was in 1st std. The bus had a stereo and the driver used to play good, recent (of that time) songs on it. I used to learn some of them and surprise my mother by singing them to her.

With time I started listening more songs and my next set of memories take me to my boarding school, Oak Grove (junior) school. There, we were allowed to relish the biweekly Chitrahaar on Wednesday and Friday. The Friday one used to show old songs and on Wednesday recent ones were aired.
Really, it was a rare luxury as most of the times the boys were barred (as a punishment) from watching, much owing to their naughty behavior. The girls being more decent and well behaved rarely missed them. Some students who had good voice also used to sing in our leisure time and I still remember some favorite songs, my friends used to sing.

Next noticeable change came in the Senior Boys School, where we tasted independence for the first time. Seniors used to play songs on the deck (music system) and the whole building seemed to dance, such was the intensity. Now even when I listen to songs of 'Dil to Pagal Hai', my class sixth days flash before my eyes.

But back then, music was a sort of accessory; it became a necessity not until when I entered my second year of college. A PC (personal computer) was bought as my branch was Computer Engineering. Though it was meant for study purpose, one of the first files I loaded on my hard disk were that of music.
The database started growing and I started enjoying every bit of it. Ironically, the system was rarely used for academic purposes. Not a single day has passed without songs being played on my computer. The video songs which I first uploaded still take me back to second year.
Now that my hard disk is running short of space I am planning to buy a new one... and would like to carry on my music journey.


PS:

I love Kishore Kumar as he is my favourite singer. I also like Lata, Udit Narayan, Alka Yagnik, Sunidhi,Shreya....I like almost all of them as they all have sung some of my fovorites.
One of the first english songs I heard was 'Saturday night' by 'whigfields'.I think it was class third and the place was school auditorium. I liked it though only words which I could interpret were 'Saturday' and 'night'.
The first audio cassette which I bought was "Phool Aur Kaante" as it had my favorite song(Maine Pyar tumhi se..) which I used to listen to in my school bus.
Some of English songs which I have developed a liking for, of late, are
Linkin Park, Bryan Adams, Avril Lavigne.... I think there are many...
quite a improvement from where I started...

"During the Indo-China War when Jawaharlal Nehru, the then Prime Minister, visited some of the dying Indian soldiers in hospital, one of their last wishes was to hear Lata Mangeshkar sing... “Aye Mere Watan Ke logon”. Such was the power of a song

Sometimes songs aren’t just songs, they are a lot more than that...”